It´s days like these when I want to pack it all (life) in. If I thought yesterday was bad, today is so much worse.
Waking up as if a hoof kicked me in each shoulder blade, the pain radiating down both arms and down into the finger joints, is not fun. The burning sensation of the water from the shower hitting my skin was only just about bearable. I can type ok, but that doesn´t take much effort, grip or pressure, although my hands are shaking, my wrists hurt and holding up my arms is a chore and I have to take breaks after typing a few words… Using the wisdom of the Spoon Theory here, out of my 10 spoons a day, I had already used up about 4 by the time it was 10am.
So, how do I get through days like these without wanting to top myself?
Badly, is the answer. I always do get through them somehow though. And oh, let me pop a painkiller first! I am, all in all, a positive kinda person and I live “one day at a time” – which I find is the only way to live when you have an invisible disability / painful chronic illness – and looking at my kitties or seeing the wonderful blue sky out there does distract me from the pain, if only for a while. The “one day at a time” coping technique also helps because I can tell myself “tomorrow is going to be a better day”. Sometimes it is. Just not today.
I try and take as much rest as I can on days like these and try not to overdo things, which is the hardest thing for me cause I love *doing* stuff and I find it hard to just *stop* and do nothing! Problem is also, that you need your hands for just about everything in daily life, and if your wrists and finger joints hurt so much and feel weak and shakey, just holding a cup of coffee can become downright impossible… Anyway, whether I like it or not, I *must* take it easy.
Stuff I won´t be able to do today:
- Washing up
- Shopping (domestic, not pleasure)
- Hoovering (I find this hard even on good days, but also, I hate it, hehe!)
- Cycling, or any exercise for that matter!
- Other stuff I can´t think of now, but sure I´ll find later!
So that´s all gotta be done tomorrow – if the bloody shops are open, that is, cause it´s Sunday!
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